Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
