either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
