She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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