yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
