this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
