Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
