you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
