the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
