i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
