he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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