he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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