We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
