Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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