If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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