my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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