good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it because I queefed?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
