lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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