toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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