the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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