He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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