I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
