Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
