Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
