i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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