So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
