HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
