First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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