there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
