You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
