I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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