Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
