a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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