RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
