found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
