Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
