at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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