I'm jealous of your bromance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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