I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm getting married
To pizza
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
