My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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