I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
