glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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