he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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