Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
