i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
