Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
