So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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