you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
