too bad you live with your parents still
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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