you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
