Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
