The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
