my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
