I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
