trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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