I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
